Emotions, Learn about it and How to Control it.
Emotion is the complex psychophysiological experience of an individual's state of mind as interacting with biochemical (internal) and environmental (external) influences. In humans, emotion fundamentally involves
"physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience." Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation. Motivations direct and energize behavior, while emotions provide the affective component to motivation, positive or negative.
No definitive taxonomy of emotions exists, though numerous taxonomies have been proposed. Some categorizations include:
"Cognitive" versus "non-cognitive" emotions
Instinctual emotions (from the amygdala), versus cognitive emotions (from the prefrontal cortex).
Categorization based on duration: Some emotions occur over a period of seconds (for example, surprise), whereas others can last years (for example, love).
A related distinction is between the emotion and the results of the emotion, principally behaviors and emotional expressions. People often behave in certain ways as a direct result of their emotional state, such as crying, fighting or fleeing. If one can have the emotion without a corresponding behavior, then we may consider the behavior not to be essential to the emotion.
The James–Lange theory posits that emotional experience is largely due to the experience of bodily changes. The "functionalist" approach to emotions (for example, Nico Frijda and Freitas-Magalhaes) holds that emotions have evolved for a particular function, such as to keep the subject safe.(www.wikipedia.org)
Learn about Controlling Emotions
Have you ever experienced situations where you wished that you were controlling emotions rather than be controlled by it?
Like when you lost your temper over a misunderstanding? Or getting upset over little things. Or becoming all tense and nervous when close to an attractive member of the opposite sex?
First off understand that emotions are there for us and serves us well. Emotions make our life more interesting and colorful. You don't want to be without any emotion. That is not the goal here.
What we want is to acknowledge that emotions have a very important place in our lives. However just like anything else, too much of one thing makes it unhealthy.
controlling emotions Sometimes it is good to let emotions take control over us and guide our actions and decisions. Other times, it is better that we are the ones controlling emotions.
When dealing with emotions, don't ignore it, avoid it, dismiss it, and especially don't suppress the emotions. Instead, we acknowledge its existence, and take note of what it is trying to tell us (the message), and move along by responding to the message in an objective manner.
Note : If you are suffering from emotional problems, please note that health problems such as sclerosis, hormonal imbalances etc may cause emotional instability. As such, in addition to trying out the tips contained in this website, you should also pay a visit to a M.D to check if the problems you are facing are actually due to medical imbalances or deficiencies.
This is how we do it... controlling emotions
Whenever you feel a surge of emotions coming over you, immediately break your state. Disassociate yourself. Then become a 3rd party observing what is happening. Like watching a movie, or playing a computer game where you are controlling the character in the game. What is happening isn't really affecting you, but rather the character you are playing in the game.
First... break the pattern & disassociate
The key is to break your pattern immediately, then go right into disassociating mode. One split second is all it takes for us to get sucked into the emotion. Emotion builds on momentum. The more you let it dwell, the stronger it gets. The more time you give it, the wilder it gets.
Break the state by saying or doing something that is totally bizarre and unexpected. The more bizarre the better. Make it so weird that it jolts even yourself. That your brain doesn't know what to make of it. It sounds funny but itÂ’s true. This is the first step in controlling emotions.
By doing this your brain goes Whoa what is that? What just happened there? I have no idea. That was weird. Now what was it I was feeling a moment ago? Make it so bizarre that you brain loses track of what it was feeling for a while.
Doing this drains the initial power out of the emotion. You got the first attack and winded the emotion. Now what you need is to keep up the attack while you have this advantage and not let it get back into the fight. Quickly deliver the next few blows and knock it out.
And believe me that the emotion ain't giving up yet. A short while after breaking your state, the emotion will try to come back into play at least once or twice. Be strong and stick to your game. Stick with the process and do another state break if needed.
There will be an urge to give in and let it take over. Think of it as swimming against the direction of the current in a river. Initially it is easier to give in and go with the flow. Just keep pushing. Once you start to get some momentum, it becomes easier and easier. After a while the current disappears and you will start to feel neutral about it.
Next, get curious
Ok got it? Now you are able to break the state and allow yourself to be a disassociated 3rd party observing what is happening. Next, neutrally just observe what is happening to you and what are the emotions you are feeling. Do this by asking these questions;
'Hmmm...What is going on here?'
'Now I wonder what just happened?'
'What is this character I am feeling?'
'Hmmm...What are his emotions now?'
Do this in a very objective and curious manner. Don't make it personal, observe yourself from afar. Be curious and really wonder what is going through him/her right now. A tip would be to use a questioning or curious tone in your intonation when asking those questions. This helps a lot in taking the energy and focus out of the emotion and replacing it with a genuine curiosity to know more.
Then identify the real issue and what you want
After you observed what is going on and having identified what emotion the character is feeling, proceed to get curious about why is he feeling that way and what does she want. You can ask questions such as;
'Hmm... so why is he feeling that way?'
'What would she have to believe in order to feel that way?'
'What does he want instead?'
'What would make her feel better?'
By doing this you will find the answer to why you are feeling that emotion. You will be clear on why you feel that way, and what you would want instead. Observing it objectively will give you a clear answer. When you are blinded by emotions, you will not be able to identify what the problem is.
Controlling emotions final step : What would you do about it
The final step is deciding how to respond & what action to take.
'Now that I have figured what's going on and why is it happening, what should I do about this?'
'What can I do that will help give me what I want instead?'
'How can I communicate this better to others?' (When the source of the problem is poor communication)
'What is the best way to respond to this?'
All the efforts of the prior steps comes down to this outcome, the manner in which we respond. We want to control our emotions so that we can respond to something in our usual competent manner. By disassociating and controlling emotions, it helps you come up with a good objective response, and also the calmness and objectivity to carry out that solution well too.
No matter how you answer those questions, be rest assured that the solutions that you come up with will be objective. Because you were not driven by your emotion. You have assessed the situation in a clear mind.
So here it is in a nutshell, a step by step process of controlling emotions in any situation.
1. When something happens and brings a surge of unwanted emotion to you, immediately do something bizarre and break your state. Get the first attack. Be an unrelated observer of the scene and keep yourself in that disassociated state.
2. Watch what is happening from a 3rd party observer perspective and get curious about what is going on. What happened? What are you feeling?
3. Continue to probe further while still being disassociated and observing from afar. Why is she feeling that? What does she want instead?
4. Finally objectively come up with a response or solution to what happened.
how to control anger
This is a brief yet effective technique for controlling emotions. In my ebook 'Never Lose Control Again', I share many other techniques in detail; and I show how these can be combined together to create the ultimate response to negative emotions.
If you're having difficulties with negative emotions, check out the book and learn how to control anger and other unwanted emotions.
Many people feel that controlling emotions is a very difficult thing to do. In fact, it is just a matter of habit. The more you do it, the better you are at it. Perhaps for the first dozen times you would find it hard to consciously guide yourself through controlling the emotion rather than just giving in to it. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Before you know it, it will become a habit. You can't help but be objective whenever you are swamped by emotions. Controlling emotions becomes natural.
Don't take life too seriously. Life is too short for us to act serious all the time. Have a ball & when something bad happens, just laugh it off. After all it is happening to the game character, not you. (www.self-improvement-mentor.com)
How to Control Emotion
New Age literature is quite rich in slogans. For instance, "You create your reality with your beliefs." As a matter of fact, this is true, but if you think that it is the contents of your beliefs that are going to make a difference, then you are in for a big disappointment. If you think that by making a big effort, clenching your teeth, repeating to yourself, "I believe with all my might that the table is not there, so it must be true," you'll make the table disappear, then you are deluding yourself. If you are overweight, standing in front of the mirror repeating the "I am skinny" mantra for hours while gobbling up the contents of another cookie-jar won't make you thin. Yet the belief that losing weight might render you more aesthetically pleasing and healthy may dictate a change in your behavior pattern and you may stop pigging out. Then you might lose weight. You don't change what seems to be the external reality by simply wanting it to change, or by believing it will change because you believe so. You won't be rich because you believe you will be. Your dead relative won't show up for dinner because you believe he is alive. You won't be standing on the moon because you believe you are on the moon. No matter how hard you believe. These, however, are superficial facts.
There is a deeper level wherein creating your physical reality with beliefs can happen. In this deeper sense, time is a belief and physical reality is a belief where definitions create the framework of any reality. Besides creating our physical reality with our beliefs, we also create it with our physical bodies, so to un-create physical reality, we also need to know how to un-create the very physical framework within which we act: our body. As long as we point a finger at our chests when we say "I," identifying by our physical expression, we cannot make a table disappear by believing it is not. To reach a state wherein we can affect physical reality with our unmediated thoughts, we first need the ability to control our thoughts, which facilitates managing our emotions (see also How can your Attention be Utilized as your Energy?). To reach a state wherein we can do wonders and miracles, we first need to learn how things work and gain the ability of controlling and managing our emotions and our lives. When I speak of beliefs in the following, I am referring to that stratum where beliefs create behavior patterns. It is true that beliefs create. However, for any practical application of this fact, we need to know what "Beliefs" are and what "Creation" means. Beliefs create reality through their structure, not by their significance.
For "SHET", beliefs are ways of relating to things, the value content. For instance, believing that all people are bad directs you to behave in a certain manner. You relate to people in a certain fashion, which is different from how you would relate to them had you believed that all people were good. The mental constituents of emotion are those beliefs and values that define the emotion. What you judge good or bad according to your deep-rooted beliefs influences your emotional response to things.
Many Jews feel the emotion of disgust when the word "pig" is mentioned. They were raised with the belief that it is a terrible sin to eat pigs. For them, pig equals forbidden food - it's simply bad. It never occurs to them that a pig is a living being who has feelings and wants to live and who could become a wonderful pet. What matters is not the contents of the specific beliefs, but the direction in which these beliefs guide the process of life. Beliefs are neither right or wrong, nor are they true or false, but those attitudes that freeze processes into a "Still" stating how things are from a certain point of view.
Each individual is a dynamic structure that relates to himself and his environment. His beliefs create the specific personality that is more or less happy with what he experiences. These relations, the beliefs, define and thereby enhance certain aspects and bring them to the foreground from a gestalt background, focusing the person's attention. The whole conglomerate of reality is fashioned in this manner - the individual's emotional attitude gives the tone. "Emotion" is that "Complexity" wherein the main constituent is our way of relating to things, our beliefs about things. That complexity then is the framework within which our reality takes place. For instance, it provides the tone for our relationships with people.
Take notice that there are two levels of relations here: the first level is how we relate in general, our basic beliefs. The second level includes how we relate to individual events colored by the first level. SHET teaches how to change what we feel, the second level, by altering the framework, the first level, which are our basic beliefs. Our general beliefs are the hothouse of our individual small relations. Usually, what creates a significant shift in our emotional state is a major blow to our general beliefs. That is the time when we re-evaluate our relations to most things and change priorities. Yet precisely those general beliefs prepared the ground for the possibility of the major blow to occur. It does not have to come to that. Knowing "Holophany", we can tackle our major beliefs from a healthier space.
Emotion, in Latin ex movere, means to move away. In Hebrew, emotion is REGESH (רגש), sensitive is RAGISH (רגיש - same root), and exciting is MERAGESH (מרגש - same root again). If we shift the letters of REGESH (רגש) around a bit, we get GARESH (גרש), which means to exile, exorcise, send away, or SHAGER (שגר), which means to send off, to dispatch. As you see, the result is the same kind of terminology as the Latin ex movere. However, there is another possibility, to rearrange the letters of the Hebrew REGESH (רגש), which yields, GESHER (גשר) and means bridge. Indeed, SHET said that emotion is the bridge between the mind, body and spirit. The emotion of anger, for instance, is a fast transmission of our values and beliefs to the body to produce the necessary chemicals to react (i.e., one is supposed to keep his word but did not, so he should be punished). However, there is more to emotion than being the mediator between mind, body and spirit.
Emotion is also "ACHERIYUT", the response-ability of a being. When we are unable to respond, we are in trouble. That is the point forwarded by the neurologist Antonio R. Damasio in his book Descartes' Error. If the brain is damaged in certain sites, then the patient may seem to be totally rational, fully intelligent, yet his behavior is irrational, his decision making erroneous because he does not feel, does not react to emotional stimuli. The inability to respond may very well be due to structural damage to the organism. However, I believe that reduced ability to respond with emotion, for instance compassion, can also be the symptom of psychological deficiency, or simply, socio-cultural desensitizing.
Responsibility, or the ability to respond, is the cognizance of the other in you, transforming you to be an open system, endowing you with life and liveliness (see also Responsibility - the Ability to Respond). Life is being. This being is being in certain ways and not others; that is, being is a process with a direction within a certain framework. Thus life is asymmetric. Its lack of symmetry gains expression through how much response-ability one can contain.
Much of what television, news and movies have to offer is murder scenes, horror, blood, killing and sex. These are supposed to create somatic reactions in the viewer, excitement. Ratings show that indeed that's what people want. Merely a century ago, for a man to have a fleeting glimpse of a woman's ankle engendered excitement. Today, it doesn't. Why? Because we have become desensitized when continuously exposed to stimuli. When we daily view a great number of murders, rapes, etc., we become indifferent to these and we need scenes with more blood, more horror to move us. "The decreased ability to feel emotions means you are giving up, closing down, exhibiting chronic tiredness."
The word aesthetics comes from the Greek aisthetikos, which means to feel, to perceive. The aesthetic sensation moves on subtler levels, which can disappear when bombarded with megaton stimuli, as is the case with people addicted to drugs who cannot enjoy life without the stimulant. Socio-cultural desensitization (anesthetizing), especially violence, engenders emotional pathology.
The question is, if being exposed to violence desensitizes us, would over-exposure to beauty desensitize us as well, so it no longer moves us? The answer is no. To survive and evolve both mentally and spiritually, response-ability is required. Existence is asymmetrical per se, says SHET, thus life has a direction, and so, responding to violence or beauty is not equivalent. Consequently, being exposed to love, beauty, etc., brings one closer to being able to respond, whereas being exposed to violence does the opposite.
This should not be taken as a black and white picture, that we should only be exposed to light and love. "Many teachers teach that anger is a negative emotion one should not experience. I teach, however, that anger is one emotion on a wide scale of emotions and experience means having a whole variety of emotions along the scale, not merely being a monotonous static something."
Stimulus, without labels of good or bad, is the means by which we learn. I read about an interesting study using rats. The group that was exposed to stimulus developed far more intelligence than the group that only had love and light and food. We came into this existence to enrich our whole selves, to learn. Learning cannot take place without stimuli of all kinds. The only thing I wish to argue here is that the amount of "negative" stimulus is exaggerated, and this kind of education saturated with violence does not reach the objective of raising healthy, intelligent and compassionate citizens. The research regarding learning by stimulus is very valuable, but we should not forget that in order for the stimulus to work as designed, there should be response-ability on the side of the subject: a dead rat won't respond to any stimulus.
Experiencing and learning are closely connected with the ability to respond and to emotional depth. Experiencing is willingness to interact with the "Indefinite" without the urge to define, which is relating by looking and observing without judgment. Of course, we can only learn if we recognize something new, which is part and parcel of experiencing, instead of relating to something new as if it already was known to us, something that already existed in our system. We cannot learn if we already know. We can allow ourselves to "Unknow", to permit the breath of firstness to penetrate our reality when feeling secure enough to not have to control. And then we can respond.
Emotional deficiency is the unwillingness or inability to observe, which in turn leads to an inability to learn, which brings about a lessened ability to interact with the environment and erroneous decision-making. Emotional stability is a function of the ratio between stimuli and response-ability.
When you define things, you judge by them instead of observing. Then you lose the wonder, the firstness of things, which prevents you from experiencing. At the same time, having put yourself on a pedestal, you have to prove you are superior and then you don't allow yourself to respond, making yourself opaque. You do so because you look through your beliefs. You don't really look, for you already know. When you don't look, you don't observe and you don't react. You get emotionally deficient. Having to prove something places you in competition, or rather, wanting approval makes you competitive, which gains expression then as having to prove, which enforces an invulnerable shell around you. Yes, you have worked on that, but the next step is looking outward with less self-consciousness: becoming sensitive to others.
Your fear of not being accepted, of not receiving approval, compels you to be apart from others, unable to see them. Not having experienced deep emotions, you cannot feel empathy for that in others. It all boils down to the issue of control: you can't let go of control... The more you know, the less you can learn. So un-learn things. Don't judge. Don't define, and then you can be inquisitive again. Then you can learn and "Experience". Observe the observable. This could balance both your "emotional deficiency" and also your diminishing concentration and learning abilities. It is all interconnected... You handicap yourself with the lack of emotional depth burdening your cognitive faculties. To deeply understand, you need the emotional layer.(www.holophany.com)
How to Control Emotion in Workplace
Emotions can be emerged at any place and at unexpected times. One of them at the office when you’re surrounded by stress.
Compared to men, women are more emotional. It proves from a research by Caitlin Friedman and Kimberly Yorio, the authors of ‘The Girl’s Guide to being a Boss’ which states, female boss are mostly get a lot of criticism for being too emotional which impressed less professional. In fact, business is business, business that was built through a togetherness number of individuals who have different style and personality.
In their book, both authors are revealed, things that make female employees, especially those in the top position, emotional occurs when deciding to hire, fire, evaluate, and promote employees.
When evaluating, for instance, a good manager should consider the advantages and disadvantages of her employees. When she finds an employee with a below average performance, there are two options that can be taken. Fire or give him/her another chance.
Talking about the dismissal isn’t an easy one, because the fire could mean taking the survival and welfare of someone’s life, even his family life. Emotions will surely taking part.
Here are some tips for female boss to control her emotion in any condition:
Prioritizing the greater interest (the company’s interest)
To create a professional and appropriate policy, required a proportion assessment and consideration, impartial, and free from any personal interest, unless the interests of the company.
You mind is produce something objectively, because people who use the mind would look at the issue from all sides and based on facts and reality, not based on what she feels. Therefore, people who decide base of her mind, will get better and not emotional policies and actions.
Inconsistent is one of confusion causes. This attitude even can make something that smooth and true, to the contrary. That’s why consistency can keep a leader to act emotionally.(www.femaleabc.com)
How To Control Emotions
The million dollar question is how to control the emotion ? The best solution is better to express the same and let things happen as usual. Controlling emotion is very difficult. We should not try to play with other's emotions.
Emotions are those feeling which generally arise or occur when anything unnatural happen with us. It is generally observed that people possess emotional feeling and express the same through joy, happiness and sorrow.
It is very interesting to note that the emotional feeling which we express towards others is easily known by the opponent. His reaction to the feeling may depend upon his ability to take the same. People generally try to hide out emotional from others. It may be possible to hide some but not all.
For instance if a sudden death of a family member may lead out to outburst of tears from eyes unknowingly or a sudden hear of a sad news may spoil the entire mood. Emotions come out easily and can be studied carefully by observation.
People who are generally sensitive are said to be emotional. But it is not true. Some people may feel but can't express his or her emotion. Emotional something lead to development of special attention towards a particular thing and person.
Emotions beautify our life with joy, happiness and sorrow. Without emotions life would be something different. In one word, emotions bring people close to heart and helps in developing mutual understanding and respecting of feelings.(www.exposeknowledge.com)